Hello Reader!

Yes, the subject line is correct. I live in my in-laws basement. And I have for almost two years.

Before I dive into what I've learned from this, let's back up a bit.

In April of 2020, my husband got the exciting news that he was selected to join a top secret mission in South America. I'm kidding - he's a geologist but I swear it's a cover and he's really a spy.

I digress.

He did in fact get selected for a new assignment in Guyana, South America, effective August 2020. It's his dream job and we were both ecstatic.

We were living in Houston at the time and decided that because he would be spending half the year abroad (and no I couldn't go with him) that we wanted to be closer to family.

This led us back to the Midwest, looking at houses to buy/rent. But there wasn't anything aligning with what we were looking for. This shifted our attention to something more temporary. "Where could we live temporarily while we a) find a house to buy b) get clarity on where we want to be?"

Insert... my in-laws house! To be clear, they have a secondary home on a lake, where they only live in the summer.

So we moved into the family lake house August of 2020 for a temporary solution... and we are still there.

There are several choices and reasons that impacted our decision to stay there longer than planned (money being a big one) - I'll spare you and get to the emotional/mental shit that's accompanied this big part of my life.

I've kept this part of my life close to my chest. At first it felt embarrassing to talk about. Then disappointing. Then indifferent.

At first I was embarrassed to say it out loud because it felt like a set back, then I was disappointed that we were still there after our initial 6 months, then I just felt indifferent towards it all. A bit stuck. A bit blah. A bit "ahh whatever, it is what it is."

During a time when the majority of my peers and friends were buying their dream houses or condos, I'm in my late 20's living in my in-laws basement with my husband.

It's been really good, for the most part. This time with his family has brought us closer and we are very grateful to have a beautiful place to live at a low, low cost.

Moving back in with your parents (or in-laws) isn't wrong or bad. However, there can a sense of defeat that comes along with the choice. To me, it felt like the ultimate, "We need help, can we ask for a favor?"

It's been humbling to so openly need other people. We are taught to be independent and self sufficient. When you need people, or need people longer than you expected, it can really begin to weigh on you. It felt like, "this isn't what I'm suppose to do."

Making a temporary choice that turns into something far more permanent can chip away at your self-esteem.

Maybe it's how you feel at your job. Towards your partner. Your friendships. Where you live.

We can say, I'll do this for just 6 months. Just one year. Just a few years.

And I'm here to normalize - that's okay. You are doing what's best for you, right now.

There's a difference between being stuck and intentionally choosing a different pace for long term vision.

You may not be exactly where you want to be. You may be choosing something that you know is short term out of survival, financial circumstances, or lack of options.

Give yourself grace and permission to accept where you are. Period.

AND. Keep your long term vision and why in the forefront to stay grounded.

It's when we lose sight of why we are doing the hard, uncomfortable, not-ideal thing that sends us down a path of being stuck, resentful and lost.

Doing the hard, uncomfortable things has led my husband and I to be able to buy and renovate our first investment property and as of 2 weeks ago, purchase our first home in Houston.

Let me just say, your decisions don't need to make sense to anyone but you. You are the one living with yourself every single day. Only you can know what's truly best for yourself.

You don't need to be embarrassed or go into hiding, my friend. You are where you are. Now, where are you going next?

A few questions to think about or journal through:

1. What part of my life feels temporary? How do I feel about that? How may that be serving my long term vision for the life I'm creating? How might it not be serving my long term vision?
2. When I feel embarrassed, how do I act? How does this influence the way I feel about myself?
3. What is my why? What decisions have I been avoiding or putting off? How could that be connected to my why? What fears or insecurities may be lingering below the surface of my avoidance?

Well. There it is. My full, unembarrassed, unashamed truth. It may not be for everyone but it's for me.

And I may not be exactly where I want to be in life, but I'm on my way.

Keep shining you beautiful human!!!

Alexis